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One of the most common questions I hear from parents is some version of this:
“How do I know if we’re doing the right thing?”
Sometimes they’re asking about medication.
Sometimes they’re asking about school.
Often, they are wondering if how they are parenting is helping their child develop the skills they really need.
Parenting a child with ADHD is complex, emotional, and deeply personal. That’s why I wanted to share this conversation with Dr. Marcy Cooper, a board-certified child and adolescent psychiatrist I have known for years, who works thoughtfully with both children and adults.
Dr. Cooper brings a calm, collaborative perspective to psychiatric care, one that aligns closely with how I support families: understanding the whole child, honoring parents’ instincts, and using medication carefully and intentionally when it’s appropriate.
Below is an excerpt from our conversation.
Cindy: Dr. Cooper, I’m so glad to share your insights with my readers. Can you start by telling us how you help families when a child is struggling with ADHD?
Dr. Cooper: Absolutely. When I meet with families, one of my first goals is to understand what’s going on. Not just the symptoms, but how those symptoms are impacting the child’s day-to-day functioning and emotional well-being. I’m trained to evaluate both psychiatric and medical factors that might be contributing to a child’s difficulties.
What looks like ADHD may actually involve anxiety, depression, sleep issues, or learning differences. I do a thorough evaluation to understand what’s happening neurologically, emotionally, and psychologically, and then tailor a treatment plan accordingly.
Cindy: I appreciate your whole-child perspective. Many parents are anxious about considering medication, and they worry that even speaking with a psychiatrist implies that they want to go that route. How do you approach treatment planning?
Dr. Cooper: Sometimes a child has already been diagnosed with ADHD and started on medication, but things still aren’t going well. They may be struggling with sleep, anxiety, irritability, or even tics. My role is to help the family put all the pieces together so we can understand the full picture.
I really believe in collaboration. Treatment works best when it’s individualized, flexible, and responsive to how the child is progressing over time. Medication is just one part of the equation. I often compare it to wearing glasses. If you need glasses and you’re not wearing them, you’ll work twice as hard to get through the day.
Cindy: That is so true – I always tell parents the medication is a tool in the toolbox. There are many other factors to consider.
Dr. Cooper: I agree. That is why we must also look at other pieces: Are the parents receiving adequate support? What behavioral strategies are being used, and are they being used consistently? What’s happening at school? I often recommend that families work with an ADHD Parent Coach to help reinforce consistent strategies and reduce the stress that often comes with parenting a neurodivergent child.
Cindy: That collaborative spirit really resonates with me. So often, parents feel overwhelmed or like they’re doing something wrong. What do you wish more parents knew about working with a psychiatrist?
Dr. Cooper: I wish parents knew they don’t have to have everything figured out before seeking help. There’s still a lot of stigma around psychiatric care, especially for children. My job isn’t to label or judge. It is to listen, support, and help the family function better.
I always explain what I’m doing and why, so parents feel informed and empowered. Their values and concerns matter throughout the process.
Cindy: You mentioned earlier that some families come to you after a medication trial hasn’t gone well. Can you say more about that?
Dr. Cooper: That’s very common. Sometimes, kids are started on medication by a general pediatrician, which can be entirely appropriate. But if things aren’t improving or there are side effects, it’s time to take a deeper look. Medication can help level the playing field, but only if it’s the right fit and carefully monitored.
Cindy: I also find it important to help parents understand that pills don’t teach skills. Parents, educators, and life experience do.
When medication is used correctly and with guidance, it can create conditions that make learning and regulation more accessible. But it doesn’t replace teaching kids how to manage time, regulate emotions, or advocate for themselves.
Many parents I work with realize during their child’s evaluation that they’ve struggled with similar challenges their whole lives. Do you diagnose and treat adults as well?
Dr. Cooper: Absolutely. I work with both children and adults. It’s very common for parents to have that “lightbulb moment.” A later-in-life diagnosis can be incredibly validating. It helps explain long-standing struggles and opens the door to support that can make a meaningful difference.
Cindy: Before we wrap up, is there anything else you’d like to share with families who may be struggling?
Dr. Cooper: Just that you’re not alone. As we both know, ADHD is complex, and it doesn’t say anything negative about your child or your parenting. With the right information and support, kids with ADHD can absolutely thrive. When parents feel heard and supported, the whole family benefits. Medication can often be a game-changer when it’s the proper formula and dose.
A closing reflection
What I appreciate most about Dr. Cooper’s approach is her steadiness. There’s no rushing to conclusions, no minimizing parents’ concerns, and no reliance on a single solution.
Medication can be helpful. Education is essential. And parents deserve support that helps them understand both their child and themselves more clearly - without fear or pressure.
If this conversation resonated with you, know that thoughtful, compassionate care does exist and that you don’t have to navigate these decisions in isolation.
If you are exploring medication for your child, I’ve written other articles that may help you think through this process more clearly.
Read Talking to Your Child About ADHD Medication
This captures the collaborative approach that actually works. The glasses analogy is one I use constantly in clinic—if you needed glasses and refused to wear them, no one would call that character-building.
From a UK perspective, I'm struck by how much parental anxiety around ADHD medication is driven by decades of misinformation flooding the discourse. "Chemical cosh." "Overdiagnosed." "Big Pharma." It's exhausting and delays help for children who are genuinely struggling.
Dr. Cooper's point about the "lightbulb moment" for parents resonates with what I see daily. When parents come in for their child's assessment and realise they've been managing undiagnosed ADHD their entire lives, it's both validating and gutting.
The critical piece missing from most medication conversations: titration and monitoring. Medication isn't prescribed and forgotten. It requires careful adjustment, ongoing evaluation, and a willingness to change course when needed. That's where having a clinician who understands ADHD neuropsychiatry—not just symptom checklists—makes the difference.
Your emphasis on "pills don't teach skills" is exactly right. Medication creates the neurological conditions in which skill-building becomes possible, but the skills still need to be taught, practised, and supported.
The glasses comparison for medication is spot on. When parents come to me stressed about whether medicaton is right, this framing helps shift from guilt to practical support. I've seen families caught in analysis paralysis around the decision, and what Dr Cooper says about not needing everything figured out resonates. The whole child approach she describes lines up with what actually works over time, not just symptom supression but skill building alongside the right supports.