Good day, I read your article yesterday and today I remembered it again while preparing for the next day in the evening. I have to say it was really nice – suddenly cooperation prevailed over “rebellion.” For people like me, who were raised rather directive, the declarative way of communication is something one has to consciously remind oneself of. So I just wanted to write to say that your article really helped me today. Thank you for it. 🙂
I’m curious how this sets up ADHD kids for situations outside the home where declarative language is not used (ie school). Are there also ADHD kids with high working memory? You mention that working memory might be weak, but our child has incredibly high working memory.
One important thing to remember about declarative language is that it isn’t meant to replace every other communication style a child will encounter in the world. School, sports, and workplaces will absolutely use more direct language, instructions, and expectations. Declarative language is really about how we help children build the skills and regulation they need so they can eventually handle those environments more successfully.
When kids feel less pressured and more understood at home, they tend to develop stronger self-awareness, emotional regulation, and problem-solving skills. Those capacities actually make it easier for them to manage more directive environments like school. In other words, we’re not shielding them from the real world—we’re helping build the internal skills they’ll need to navigate it.
And yes, absolutely—ADHD kids can have strong working memory. ADHD is not a single profile. Some children have weaker working memory, some have slower processing speed, some struggle more with inhibition or emotional regulation, and some have areas of real strength alongside areas of challenge.
When I talk about working memory in articles like this, I’m usually referring to patterns that show up frequently for many kids with ADHD—but it’s never universal. Every child’s profile is unique, which is why understanding the individual child is always the starting point.
Good day, I read your article yesterday and today I remembered it again while preparing for the next day in the evening. I have to say it was really nice – suddenly cooperation prevailed over “rebellion.” For people like me, who were raised rather directive, the declarative way of communication is something one has to consciously remind oneself of. So I just wanted to write to say that your article really helped me today. Thank you for it. 🙂
Thank you!
I’m curious how this sets up ADHD kids for situations outside the home where declarative language is not used (ie school). Are there also ADHD kids with high working memory? You mention that working memory might be weak, but our child has incredibly high working memory.
One important thing to remember about declarative language is that it isn’t meant to replace every other communication style a child will encounter in the world. School, sports, and workplaces will absolutely use more direct language, instructions, and expectations. Declarative language is really about how we help children build the skills and regulation they need so they can eventually handle those environments more successfully.
When kids feel less pressured and more understood at home, they tend to develop stronger self-awareness, emotional regulation, and problem-solving skills. Those capacities actually make it easier for them to manage more directive environments like school. In other words, we’re not shielding them from the real world—we’re helping build the internal skills they’ll need to navigate it.
And yes, absolutely—ADHD kids can have strong working memory. ADHD is not a single profile. Some children have weaker working memory, some have slower processing speed, some struggle more with inhibition or emotional regulation, and some have areas of real strength alongside areas of challenge.
When I talk about working memory in articles like this, I’m usually referring to patterns that show up frequently for many kids with ADHD—but it’s never universal. Every child’s profile is unique, which is why understanding the individual child is always the starting point.